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 Since the pandemic began, my Instagram feed has been filled with face workouts and face tools. Every other scroll, I see someone gua sha–ing their face for a lymphatic massage, or another blowing their cheeks Dizzy Gillespie–style to work their muscles. Then there are all the tools that are marketed towards me: a tiny gilded piece that looks like a paint roller with spikes, a micro-current tool that resembles a sex toy and sends shocks through the skin to tone muscles, and a thin metal stick with a ball at the end to stimulate different muscles as an exercise of facial reflexology and detox. The before-and-afters are particularly mesmerizing: nasolabial folds are lifted, undereye bags are gone, and jowls are smoothed. Call it the era of the au naturel nip-tuck.

I’ve no doubt been influenced: Every morning, I start with a general lymphatic massage from the collarbone up with a face oil (during which I can literally feel the fluid draining from my face). Next, I use a mix of lessons from the Glowbe app and various Instagram instructors to do an at-home 30-minute face workout, which includes me making bizarre facial movements and using my hands to aid the stimulation of muscles. (Gravity is crucial here: Never down, only up.) Then, I use a fist-size jade gua sha tool to drain any excess fluid, followed by a beauty roller that I use to further knead my face and chest. Finally, as the icing on the cake, I use a micro-current tool that sends satisfying, pinch-like shocks into my face. The end result reveals me to be a de-puffed, sharp-cheeked goddess, particularly ideal when Zoom seems to catch every unflattering angle.

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